This is simply a reminder to myself; a desire to keep this in the forefront of my mind.
I love this photo – taken in my garden, altered in such a way that both the colours and the words and the simplicity of both resonate in some place deep within me, resulting in joy.
So utterly tired
Worn out, worn down
Worried and fatigued.
Longing for relaxation, to lie beside still waters
Yearning to take off this bag that I carry which holds the stuff of life
And put it down for a time
To rest a while
Hoping rest will replace weariness,
calm replace concern,
peace replace turbulence;
That sleep will indeed knit the unraveled sleeve of all my care(s)
And I might know true rest.
My prayer that I might wake, my soul repaired
Renewed desire to reach out and touch the fabric of the day –
a gentle touch that greets the day
with gratitude and grace
rejuvenation of joy and strength
in peace, a soul refreshed
You may have realised from my recent poems that my friend Graham committed suicide recently – well actually February last year but I didn’t know until recently. And I didn’t even know he suffered from depression (as do I) and had I known I would have liked to think I might have reached out – but I thought he was ‘normal’ – one of those people who don’t suffer from depression – can you sense my shame, my lack of confidence, my lack of joyousness, my lack of ‘hey, let’s sit and chat’ ness?
I’ve been a little bullied over the past few years and I am not the person I was in 2010/2011 – when I had more belief in myself than I do today; when I believed what I thought was true – before I realised that I wasn’t the girl I used to be; before I realised that people could ignore me and actually that mattered to me…
I have learnt that life is not what it seemed it was and I am not who I thought I was – and that it’s ok to be happy with today, to be grateful for today’s blessings, to be excited by little things, little joys, little accomplishments. Expectations are adjusted accordingly and little triumphs can be wonderful.
I have learnt the art of gratitude. And that is such a gift.
And I have learnt to find pleasure in small and simple things, to find joy in the ordinary, to be grateful for whatever today brings. Every day is a gift. I was arrogant before I knew this. But I have learnt my truths for myself. It is what it is – and I am grateful for what is.
Life has had it’s ups and downs – but through it all God has been there – holding out His hand and watching and hoping, and cheering for me and wanting the best for me – even when I wasn’t capable of wanting this for myself, let alone acknowledging what He offered.
And I am grateful. I am grateful for the learnings.
And I have learnt the art of gratitude.
Ans there is something wonderful in finding joy in the ordinary – taking pleasure in the mundane, the basic, the banal – and finding joy in these things … can be really precious.
For all of this I am grateful.