Thought for the day: 7 August 2017

Find joy

You may have realised from my recent poems that my friend Graham committed suicide recently – well actually February last year but I didn’t know until recently. And I didn’t even know he suffered from depression (as do I) and had I known I would have liked to think I might have reached out – but I thought he was ‘normal’ – one of those people who don’t suffer from depression – can you sense my shame, my lack of confidence, my lack of joyousness, my lack of ‘hey, let’s sit and chat’ ness?

I’ve been a little bullied over the past few years and I am not the person I was in 2010/2011 – when I had more belief in myself than I do today; when I believed what I thought was true – before I realised that I wasn’t the girl I used to be; before I realised that people could ignore me and actually that mattered to me…

I have learnt that life is not what it seemed it was and I am not who I thought I was – and that it’s ok to be happy with today, to be grateful for today’s blessings, to be excited by little things, little joys, little accomplishments. Expectations are adjusted accordingly and little triumphs can be wonderful.

I have learnt the art of gratitude. And that is such a gift.

And I have learnt to find pleasure in small and simple things, to find joy in the ordinary, to be grateful for whatever today brings. Every day is a gift. I was arrogant before I knew this. But I have learnt my truths for myself. It is what it is – and I am grateful for what is.

Life has had it’s ups and downs – but through it all God has been there – holding out His hand and watching and hoping, and cheering for me and wanting the best for me – even when I wasn’t capable of wanting this for myself, let alone acknowledging what He offered.

And I am grateful. I am grateful for the learnings.

And I have learnt the art of gratitude.

Ans there is something wonderful in finding joy in the ordinary – taking pleasure in the mundane, the basic, the banal – and finding joy in these things … can be really precious.

For all of this I am grateful.