When I’m depressed…
Time is so obtuse
Isolation is my ally, it understands me
Regret is like flogging a dead horse
Shame drains me of all colour
Sorrow is my benefactor
Depression my ever present shadow
While hope is like the sunrise
Doubt like clouds
Insecurity like standing in the rain
Despair like a torrent
Desolation a hurricane
While hope is like the sunshine
It warms, dries, lights the way
It encourages growth
A friend is an umbrella in the rain
Companionship a raincoat
Laughter a holiday from cold and damp (even if only for a moment)
The possibility of another place and time
And hope is like the sunshine
Take a photograph so as not to forget.
HOLD ON TO HOPE
Some days I think we just need to give ourselves a break! Some days we might not have the energy or the motivation or the time to do the things that we think we ought to do. And some days that’s ok.
Some days what I’m capable of might not seem like much, and maybe it’s not. And on those days I use the motto “All I can do is all I can do.” And some days that has to be enough.
We’re allowed to take time out to rest, or to play, or to work in the garden, or to NOT work in the garden. Some days we just need a little time – it might be a little time for ourselves, or time with a friend; time to read or to play, to relax or to sleep. Whatever you feel like you need – it’s ok.
Be kind to YOU.
“Go easy on yourself. Whatever you do today, let it be enough.”
Its a game and I’m losing
A swimming pool and I’m drowning
It’s a wood fire and I’m burning
The end’s coming around soon
It’s ice and I’m skating
From on high and I’m falling
A volcano and I’m erupting
Almost time to fade away
A butterfly whose hours are numbered
A fledgling about to be attacked
A fish about to swim into a net
The game is almost over
Just a dusty piece of string
It could have meant anything
Just swaying in a gentle breeze
It was supposed to mean something
So you light the piece of string
At once ablaze, simply burning
I wasn’t made to be that way
But I succumbed and here I lay
It’s a game and I am losing
A pile of leaves and I am burning
And when the embers are cold and black
The remains will scatter with the wind
What chaos brought me here?
Divine plan and haunted history
A few friends, a few smiles and tears
And what will be left when I am gone?
No legacy to call my own.
These words speak to me of love and parting, of tender affection and memories. It might relate to romantic love but it could also describe a dear friendship, and implies a closeness, a gentleness; a relationship that the author will always remember with fondness.
I have been clearing out a spare room and going through old paperwork and small treasures from my past, and I came across this poem on the back of a card given to me by a good friend almost thirty years ago.
With the benefit of age and wisdom (I hope), time, perspective and hindsight – I think it’s fair to say that I appreciate the sentiment in this poem so much more now than I did then. I have an appreciation of the gentle tone the author has used, the tenderness of the affection expressed, and the softness or weightlessness of the language – like a description of the touch of a feather, or the texture of silk. I appreciate the sense I have of an impending separation without the need to specify the facts; the reference to how someone might be perceived from an earlier chapter of one’s life.
Looking back, it was a beautiful verse to be given, and I feel honoured to have been held in such regard.
And today the words are still beautiful and I just wanted to share them with you. I guess it’s always good to take a few moments every now and then to appreciate those who have come and gone from our lives, and to appreciate and be grateful for those who remain.
When you’re a child it’s hard to imagine living for 70 or 80 years. It’s almost incomprehensible. Such a long, long time. And yet as we age the time seems to pass by so fast, with every year flying by at a speed greater than the previous one. So I love the analogy of life being like a snowflake – melting in our hands – so beautiful, unique and delicate – which melts so quickly and then it’s gone. And all we have left is a little water!
Sometimes I feel as if the thread of life is so fragile, so tenuous and delicate. Even people who seemed like Corinthian columns in my life, infallible and dependable, have sometimes been swept away too soon and just like everyone else, had their lives snuffed before I was ready for them to go.
Given that we don’t know what’s around the corner, wouldn’t it be a shame to find out you had little time left and had missed out on doing some of those things you’d always wanted to do, missed out on fulfilling some of your dreams?
Today’s reminder is to make the most of today; to live in this moment; to begin (or continue) doing those things you really want to do – the things which give you a sense of pleasure or fulfillment; the things that make your face smile and your heart sing.
I love this quote! There’s something about it I find infectious, joyful and exciting. I love how positive it is – positive about life and about the future. I also like how directive it is. I like the sense of constructive co-dependence from time to time; that some days I’ll require help and assistance along the way (and that’s perfectly fine), and at other times I’ll need to provide that support and assistance to others – a co-existent ‘swings and roundabouts’ if you will. I like that it implies I’ll have fun along the way. It’s an invitation to take the hand of someone else to take them along for the ride, or maybe someone will come along and take my hand and take me along on their ride. It’s an invitation to dream together, to share together, to encourage each other. I think it’s also a reminder to enjoy the ride.
I grew up in an environment where there was no concept of self-care. If there had been it would likely have been equated to selfishness because I was taught to put others first.
Even as an adult it’s taken me a long time to come to terms with self care, self love and self compassion. I am still learning not to listen to those internal ‘shoulds’ and to actively change the thought patterns into positive ones that give me choices, rather than leaving me feeling defeated from the start, never living up to my own expectations, and not being good enough. The aim was perfection and surprisingly, I never made it! Even when I was good, my fear was that I was not really good enough.
Only recently have I really come to terms with the reasons why those ‘shoulds’ leave me in such a lose/lose situation every time. Even if I win I still lose because today’s win may well be over shadowed by tomorrow’s failure – because at some point there WILL be a failure because (surprise, surprise) I’m not perfect.
I hadn’t been able to put the pieces of the puzzle together until I learned that ‘shoulds’ are always based on expectations – whether they are my own or someone else’s. As a child and teenager I knew that my ‘shoulds’ were my parents’ voices being replayed inside my head. I think I probably assumed that my ‘shoulds’ were also the voice of my conscience.
As an adult I realise that I have the freedom to make my own choices, and that my choices can be expectation-free if I so choose. And where there are no expectations, there can also be choices free from a sense of failure. As I’ve written many times, I choose to no longer see life in the blacks and whites my parents used as their reference points. There were so many things in life that were either black or white, right or wrong, yes or no, absolutes. The choice was ‘A’ or ‘B’ with no other alternatives. I choose instead to view life as a series of many continuums and where I stand at any given point on a continuum is simply a snapshot in time (rather than a label or judgement) and may have little bearing on where I may choose to stand tomorrow. And each continuum is made up of thousands and thousands of different shades of grey (or any other colour or colours I choose at the time). I find that there are so many more options and opportunities than I was initially led to believe. And that brings freedom. And acceptance.
And the quote above also provides me with a sense of freedom – freedom to take time to rest, time for self-care, time to be, to replenish, regenerate and renew. And when I take time for myself I am actively choosing to look after myself. It’s not selfish because actually I am important too. And there’s freedom in realising that, and valuing myself.