I awoke to the most gentle of touches on my cheek
like being kissed by a velvet petal
or butterfly wings against my face
a caress so soft it was almost unrecognized by my senses.
A secret invitation whispered on a gentle zephyr
“Come dance with us, come dance”
and how they danced –
so tender, so quiet but sheer joy
barely movement – absolute beauty – pure grace
the fluid motion of individual beings: separate and united
I watched, astounded, my eyes drinking in the vision
my body paralyzed and mute
so beautiful I cried when it was over
not understanding why I was chosen
not understanding the reason for this –
the gift of being a silent witness
watching angels dance
I know I have a gentle heart. It hasn’t always been this way. Once I was a hard nosed salesperson who fought for what she wanted, and was driven and determined. Not so now – after life experiences have led me to follow my heart rather than career, money and position. And I like myself more this way. I feel like I am more authentically me. I am soft, and easily hurt; my barriers are weak these days because I let myself be loved by another and so I don’t have to defend myself like I did when I was alone. I’m no longer a castle, an impregnable fortress – in contrast I feel more like a defenseless sea sponge or a wet bus ticket!
But I believe this is how I was meant to be: soft, gentle, vulnerable…. which means I know pain and hurt and we talk sometimes; but in addition to them I have made new friends: I welcome my ally compassion and have made empathy my confidante; kindness is the companion I often look out for and gentleness an intimate colleague. I am well acquainted with hope, and we know how to find each other in dark times.
It’s not always comfortable to be the way I am; not always convenient to acknowledge my feelings; not always pleasant to have such a low threshold or to be seen to be such an obvious target. But my softness is part of my strength (though sometimes I forget this) so I take consolation in the knowledge that I am being true to myself, to my creator, to the path I’ve chosen. And the quote above is a reminder that it’s ok to be this way, that my sensitivity has value, and might even be perceived by some to be a gift in today’s world. Whatever the case, for now I choose to stay soft.