Thought for the day: 31 December 2017

I’ve been having a bit of a tidy – going through all my clothes and removing those that no longer create a spark of joy, and either throwing them away or putting in a bag for a local charity shop. It seems an appropriate time of year to be looking at what I own and weighing up – has this achieved it’s purpose? does it still create a spark of joy? Having almost finished going through my clothing, I’m planning to go through my make up and skincare, my books, CD’s and DVD’s. It seems like a good time to re-evaluate what I’m holding onto and why.

My aim for 2017 was embrace self love and self care – and I feel good about my achievements on that front. I think I have a greater sense of self acceptance and have learnt/am learning about forgiving myself and letting go of stuff I can’t change.

This quote describes my current space: an acknowledgement and acceptance of what I’m leaving behind in 2017; gratitude for the learnings along the way, gratitude for life’s gifts and an awareness of all I have to be thankful for. Along with anticipation for what 2018 has in store (regardless of the outcome); possibilities, opportunities; I have a sense of taking positive steps forward to proactively greet what’s waiting ahead.

Goodbye 2017. Thanks for what I’ve learnt.

Hello 2018 – bring it on!

Thought for the day: 30 December 2017

Happy almost-the-end-of-2017!
Just prior to Christmas I shared about how I was struggling. I was feeling a little depressed – not really scary bad, just a bit down: weepy, fragile, vulnerable. We went to visit my husband’s family for several days and just before, and since, I’ve been working on a collage. It’s not exactly what I’m after, and the photo doesn’t represent it well, but this is what I’ve been working on.

I love the theme of gratitude and always being grateful, and I also like that I got to experiment with some techniques I haven’t used before (-attempting to make what is new look old and faded, and trying to make the paint look ‘distressed’)

My thought for today is a hope, a desire and an aim: to be always grateful.

Thought for the day: 8 November 2017

Hi there. I think this quote says something about where I’m at at the moment. I want to courageous. I want to be positive. I’m good with being vulnerable. And I want to be comfortable with what is currently uncomfortable. I feel like I have a handle on ‘courageous’ and ‘vulnerable’ but finding comfort in the uncomfortable is more a of a challenge.

I have some thoughts about what is uncomfortable for me – and my aim is to get a bit ‘uncomfortable’ over the next few months. My hope is that the more often I’m uncomfortable, the more uncomfortable will become comfortable (- if that makes sense). I’m still processing exactly how that’s going to happen but have some positive ideas I’d like to try – and I’ll let you know how it goes. Suffice to say: I have something of a plan, and some ideas, and I’m aiming to try them out over the next few months. Here goes….

Thought for today: 15 September 2017

I know this doesn’t follow my usual theme of inspiration, kindness and compassion but I feel like there’s some truth in this quote – about belief in oneself, making your own choices and being prepared to accept the consequences of those choices; making the choices you believe are right regardless of what others think or say.

I need to be reminded of this from time to time which is why I’ve included it here. There’s something great about making a decision and pursuing it and seeing it through. If I succeed, then I’ve done that on my own merits. If I fail – it was a learning curve, and no-one can say I didn’t try. I was courageous and I like that about me!

Sometimes I think we just need to do what we need to do…. for us.

Thought for the day: 1 September 2017

Today is what it is.

Look beyond what’s not perfect and accept what is. Look beyond the imperfections of the day/week/month or year and appreciate the good things. I can focus on what I have to be grateful for, what might not have been but is.

Being happy is a choice.

To be happy is to look beyond the imperfections, to appreciate what is and to be grateful for the good things.

I know it’s more easily said than done. Some days are hard work and can be filled with unwanted external drama.

If today is difficult for whatever reason(s), I can still aim to be happy; to accept what is. It’s still a great thing to aim for. However, if being happy today is nothing short of a bridge too far, then I can always change my aim from being happy to accepting that today is difficult. While I will attempt to remain positive, in the end I know that simply coping with and getting though today is goal enough.

I believe that even in the face of dire straits, there can still be room for positivity, and if nothing else, for gratitude.

Wherever you are at today, I wish you peace and perspective. And, for what it’s worth, I wish you a happy day!

I care

These past couple of weeks I’ve been working through some stuff. I discovered that a friend had died last year; then I discovered that he’d committed suicide; then my husband’s brother’s best friend died last weekend (had a heart condition and didn’t wake up); was talking to a friend at work and she was telling me about 2 friends of hers, brothers of 17 and 19 that were in hospital after a car accident (they’d hit a tree) so I thought speed was involved and wondered if alcohol and/or drugs had also had an impact – well speed was certainly a factor it turned out. She told me this on Tuesday morning – both brothers in critical condition with the elder brother (the driver) not expected to live. That night he died – she came to work the next day and was a mess. She’s only 19 herself and I guess this is the first friend of her age who’s died. She went home and cried for several days. On Thursday evening I caught up with an old friend, we’d been drinking buddies from way back, and he shared with me about how tough this year has been for him. He lives on his own in a neighbourhood where I also lived alone (before I met my husband) and we are pretty honest with each other. He was telling me about how depressed he’s been this year, about a boss who bullied him, about drinking most nights, not looking after himself, not taking his drugs, not doing any housework…

And I’ve been thinking  – Graham died and I didn’t know. Phil is depressed and I DO know. I could help – or at least provide a helping hand. And if that means he has less reason or inclination to commit suicide, then it’s worth the effort.

For the past 4 – 5 months my house has not been really clean. I started the gardening business and was too tired to clean after I’d gardened (or – I didn’t care enough to do housework when I got home after gardening) – so my husband did the washing and tidied the kitchen most days. I haven’t done much in the way of housework for months.

Mid June my doctor said said he thought I might have had a TIA (mini-stroke) and initiated some tests at our local hospital and advised me I wasn’t to drive for the next 30 days. Thus postponing may gardening (that I drove to) and imposing a 4 week rest period. All in all not a bad thing as I had already decided I had been working too hard. I took a break from gardening – which was good for my body. Being a girl who likes to achieve things, I started making cot quilts instead (which I do during the winter sometimes) and managed to make about 6 cot quilts that I am planning to give away to needy families (through Women’s Refuge or church groups or similar – as long as they are not sold, and end up with families in need).

Now here I am, feeling like I really should return to gardening – and thinking about the deaths of people I know, thinking about suicide and my own encounters in the past – and not wanting anyone I know to have to experience the same despair and horrible  desperation that I’ve felt in the past…

This morning I started cleaning my home – just a few rooms – the bathroom, toilet and my bedroom – a mini-spring clean. It was a start. It was an effort that I hadn’t made for a long time but it was enough. A step in the right direction.

And I’ve been thinking about my friend Phil’s house – about offering to help him make things clean and tidy again. I know what it’s like to live on your own, to feel depressed, to feel like you don’t really matter in many people’s lives, to use alcohol as a way of numbing the pain… and I want to help him because it’s a little something that I can do for someone that’s not me. It’s a way to provide support and encouragement to someone else, a way of giving to another, of supporting another, of being their for someone else.

And (as I stated earlier) if this means Phil has less inclination to end his life, or has more motivation to … do anything (cook, clean, garden – anything) then maybe that’s worth it.

I want to believe I had an opportunity and I took it – for all the right reasons – regardless of the outcome. I tried. I cared. I did something….

Then maybe that’s enough.

I’m not responsible for Phil’s decisions, his choices, his outlook – but if I can be a friend in the best way I know how, then maybe that’s enough.

And if it’s not enough, then I will know that I tried.  I did something.  I tried to make his life just that little bit easier when he was depressed and not motivated because I’ve known that depression and lack of motivation.

I want to know that I tried. If nothing else, I tried. I tried to be the friend that he needed me to be; the friend that listened and didn’t judge; the friend that was there and tried to make life just a little easier. The friend that cared enough to do something… because if nothing else, she cared.