I wonder how often this is true of me. How often do I live in a prison of my own creation. If that was true of last week, then today I have been set free! I confronted some expectations and found that they were simply that – my expectatons, rather than reality. And the reality I found was better than I had expected. My hidden hopes were exceeded.
For this, and many other blessings, I am truly grateful.
This describes where I’m at today. I’m struggling just to keep it together. I’m struggling period – to be honest. I struggle with this time of year – with my own thoughts and feelings and expectations and disappointments. I struggle with guilt – there are so many things one can feel guilty for – and I do.
I feel vulnerable, fragile, weepy, confused, guilty, ashamed, sad, and the list goes on.
But I know that in every situation, there are things to be grateful for.
And I am.
My husband is a blessing, a friend, a rock. My dog is a constant companion. I have time to paint if I choose to; I have time to read or sleep or walk…
I choose courage. I choose to fight to keep going. I’m choosing to fight to stay on top. I’m choosing to feel the feelings, to let myself cry or not cry, to just take time to be. I’m choosing to approach this with honesty – these are my issues, this is my stuff. And while it is what it is – I can choose to accept the feelings that come along or I can determine to fight, to see this through, to be honest and authentic and real about where I’m at and how I’m feeling.
And maybe that’s enough for now.