I found some old prose today…

“I burnt some of my dreams today – the pursuit of knowledge that I had loved, and I tried to let go.  I saw the sorrow of holding onto things.  A wise woman once said “Ain’t nothin’ but a thang” and she was right – it was just a ‘thang’.

So I hide in old comfort music, like a large well-worn, well-loved jersey that always fits, regardless of how much weight I’ve put on or taken off.  And it feels like arms of love, that always fit.

A tear, an empty glass, a wet cheek, an old plan and it’s happy dreams that I thought would carry me through – all reduced to ash.

This is my wake to an old life, an old dream that won’t be realised, so I’m gonna grieve – and do it now.  I don’t want to hold on when letting go is what must be done. I have laughed – and I will laugh again. I just need to let go.

This is my wake – to celebrate the promise of a dream; never promised, simply an expectation unfulfilled.

And on some quiet level, deep down, deep deep below what I know, it’s actually OK because maybe there’s something else that awaits”

 

Thought for the day: 9 December 2018

Courage is not the absence of fear3

I love this quote and I know it to be true.

When the dragon stands before you with glowing eyes, yellow teeth and saliva drooling from it’s mouth, sometimes the only option is to face the beast and take small steps forward with a look of confidence on your face even if you don’t feel it inside. And as you move towards it, there’s a point of no return where to keep walking is the only option (because the time to run away has passed) and as you do the dragon gets bigger until suddenly it begins to fade before you until all that remains is the illusion of its presence. It’s as if it appeared real and three dimensional, but was in fact a two dimensional hologram – and you overcame it because you had the courage and faith and belief to walk toward it. To move beyond fear.

Wishing you the courage you need today.

 

Thought for the day: 30 December 2017

Happy almost-the-end-of-2017!
Just prior to Christmas I shared about how I was struggling. I was feeling a little depressed – not really scary bad, just a bit down: weepy, fragile, vulnerable. We went to visit my husband’s family for several days and just before, and since, I’ve been working on a collage. It’s not exactly what I’m after, and the photo doesn’t represent it well, but this is what I’ve been working on.

img a3 (2)

I love the theme of gratitude and always being grateful, and I also like that I got to experiment with some techniques I haven’t used before (-attempting to make what is new look old and faded, and trying to make the paint look ‘distressed’)

My thought for today is a hope, a desire and an aim: to be always grateful.

Thought for the day: 26 December 2017

We are captives of our own identities 2

I wonder how often this is true of me. How often do I live in a prison of my own creation. If that was true of last week, then today I have been set free! I confronted some expectations and found that they were simply that – my expectatons, rather than reality. And the reality I found was better than I had expected. My hidden hopes were exceeded.

For this, and many other blessings, I am truly grateful.