This afternoon I was sitting watching a TV program and as I watched a few stray tears ran down my cheeks. While it doesn’t matter what the program was or what the specific issue was – what interests me is why I responded as I did. And I think it’s about situations where we as people allow our fears and assumptions to override or outweigh the actual beliefs, characters and motivations of others – and how wrong that seems to me.
I see the masses (whose questions are heralded by the press) wanting answers to their questions when their assumptions are inaccurate and their motivations mistaken.
The story I watched was a fictitious one where a support character, let’s call him Bob, had to defend himself – his motivations, his character, his background and his faith all under scrutiny because of a violent act carried out by someone with a tenuous link to Bob. The link was what the media focused on – understandably – but what the program highlighted to me was the imbalance of media pressure (supported by the majority of people, underlined by their own sense of panic, and the need to bring to justice the perpetrators) when the insubstantial link had no bearing on the act carried out by the offender. And Bob was left having to defend himself to his countrymen and women for an act of kindness he had performed, and its innocuous link to the perpetrator, which then called into question Bob’s character, his motivations, his commitment to his friends, family, to his country and his beliefs.
One could look at the situation and say that the story and it’s violence justified the means (investigation and accusation). While I understand that, my empathetic response was for Bob, the person who had been accused having done nothing wrong other than being true to himself, and his own sense of right and wrong (ie, so nothing wrong at all).
As a New Zealander, these days I shun writing about politics whether international or at home. I would seldom discuss my beliefs in terms of politics, religion or similar with anyone other than close friends. I tend to keep my beliefs regarding those subjects to myself. They are not open for discussion unless I choose otherwise (which I seldom do). My character and attitudes, and my aspirations for my character development are a different matter; to me that’s something which is pretty much (certainly in this forum) ‘free for all’.
I’m interested in why I responded with such a strong reaction to what I knew to be a fictitious TV program. And it’s because my empathy button was pressed. Why was that? Because I allowed myself to slip into the shoes of the character who had been placed in an unfair position (some would say victimised). His unjust treatment was based on what I interpreted as an underlying sense of fear, assumption and the need for blame. I wonder how often we as people do this to others. I wonder how often I’ve done this in the past – and not realised the underlying reason(s) for my responses.
Please understand that my aim here is not to make a statement regarding violence at all; merely to investigate my own response to a fictional situation to which I felt an emotional response.
Note to self: I don’t want to have to justify myself or my beliefs. I also don’t want to judge others, particularly when that judgement is based on my own fears, assumptions or what I think may or may not be someone else’s motivation. (Who am I to judge the motivation of another anyway? Have I seen inside their heart and mind?)
“If you judge people, you have no time to love them.” – Mother Teresa
I think the following quote is appropriate but my preface would be to alter’mistakes’ ‘perceived mistakes’:
[Quote above courtesy of Linked In Self Motivation Quotes]
I’m sure some of you must get bored hearing the same sort of messages over and over but I seem to need to be reminded over and over: a) not to judge others, and b) everyone has their own issues – my issues are my issues, you have your own issues which I know nothing about, but everyone has stuff going on in their lives – their own issues, battles, joys and pain… and we all need a bit of space from time to time, a little compassion now and then, a degree of kindness and friendship and respect. So this is yet another reminder to myself – to go easy on others, just as I would like to think others will go easy on me.
“A little more kindness, a little less judgement”
Remember: a little kindness can go a long way…
Ok, I screwed up. I take full responsibility. I made some unwise decisions. I went out with a group of girlfriends and let myself get drunk, and not just drunk – I got totally written off. “One step away from being legless” I was told. I’m supposed to be an adult, old enough to know better, etc, etc. I woke the next morning feeling embarrassed and ashamed. This explains yesterday’s poem ‘Legless’.
Hindsight is a wonderful teacher. I’ve felt my own emotional pain. I’ve acknowledged my error. So in order to move on from here, I need to forgive myself and then shut the door to that memory – not revisit it every five minutes or every half hour. I need to close the door and walk away and leave it there. That doesn’t mean I forget, but simply that choose not to revisit the memory and the associated negative feelings. To forgive myself and move on.
This morning I found this quote. It sums up how I want to feel. I’m not there yet but I’m working towards it. I’d like to be a friend, to comfort, care and maybe even inspire others – so this quote is for me. It’s fits me, right here where I stand today.
And I will move on. And I will close that door and walk away. And I will hope that my behaviour, how I deal with my imperfections can still be an inspiration to others.
Feeling humble, honest and imperfect.