Thought for the day: 30 December 2016

masterpiece

In keeping with my current theme of self love and self care, I love the way this quote gives me permission to see myself as a masterpiece (or possibly A Masterpiece) – a wonderfully unique, brilliant, astonishing, breath-takingly beautiful ME…  and at the same time be free to take chances, make mistakes, choose an alternative colour or tone or attitude or feeling…

In the past few days I have been wearing some of my husband’s Hawaiian/Polynesian shirts. They are a number of sizes too big but I love the patterns and colours so I’ve been wearing them… proudly! It’s about letting me be me… And if no-one else understands, then it really is me being me – and I’m good with that! So far, so good. We are coming up to a new year – always an introspective time for me. I try to think through what I’ve achieved (rather than failed at), and what I’d like to achieve in the new year…. maybe…   Let’s see where this goes…

Being me – 27 December 2016

So it’s only been a few days since I’ve really confronted this self-love stuff.

Both 23rd and 24th December were rough days and left me feeling stressed and pretty fragile. On Christmas morning the negative voices started up at full force and I finally said “ENOUGH!!! I’m gonna ignore you now, so go away!” And then I realised I needed to forgive myself for all the stuff I’ve done in the past that has been foolish or unwise – all the stuff I continue to psychologically beat myself up over that’s in the past. I keep remembering and rehashing this stuff and it’s a great way of buying back into the guilt and shame and general bad feelings associated with these events. So I made a decision to stop. I forgave myself for past transgressions and misdemeanors and foolishness and decided to move on. No more rehashing of negative past experiences. Time to accept that today is a new day and to look forward, not back. Can’t change the past but I can do something with today, in terms of my attitudes and behaviours.

That was Christmas morning – spending the day with my husband’s family went very well – better than expected, and it was casual and relaxed. And since then I have decided:

“This is me – what you see is what you get. If you don’t like it I no longer care because this is who I am. It’s about time I was true to myself and began to value myself; to truly love and honour who I am.”

So the past few days have been focussed on self love and self care. I feel a sense of freedom and acceptance. So far, so good. The past few days have been positive steps in the right direction. Here’s to more of that!!  I put a few photos on facebook yesterday (which I seldom go into, let alone contribute to) and decided if other people liked them that was great – if no one responded to my photos I didn’t care. This is me and this is who I am.

youre-doing-you

I read this on WordPress yesterday and it was so encouraging I just had to make it mine.

Then I found another on a similar theme:

be-yourself-2

I know it’s early days in this self love business and there will be ups and downs. But this is a great way to finish this year, and to start thinking about what I might want to achieve in 2017.

 

 

 

Boxing Day in my Backyard

It’s a lovely quiet Boxing Day (26 December) here in Wellington, New Zealand. I took the dog over the back into the reserve behind our house and couldn’t resist taking a few photos. It’s so green, so peaceful and quiet – and I am grateful.

Yesterday was a really nice Christmas Day spent with my husband’s family several hours from here. It was a family celebration – relaxed and easy. The past few days had been hard for me so I wasn’t sure how Christmas Day would go – given I often get a bit ‘peopled out’ before the day is over, but it was really nice. Pete, my husband’s dad is 89, and I want to make the most of it and enjoy Christmas with him and his family as long as we can.

So after spending yesterday with family, today is all about taking the time to chill and relax and just be. Not entirely sure what I’ll do. My husband will likely spend the day watching the One Day International (cricket) between New Zealand and Bangladesh on TV. [Cricket and Boxing Day go hand in hand here, it’s a bit of a tradition]

In the meantime here are a few photos from (just beyond) my backyard.

 

Will you love me just as I am?

Will you love me just as I am?

This works for me! I love the sense that ‘doing me’ is cool simply because it’s me being real, regardless of what others think.

Genius Unbound

As a people, we all tend to put more value on shiny things, than we do on what is actually hidden inside the “alabaster box”. As a society, its easy to lose our identity in things that we think we need, in order to be accepted by the people that put value on outside appearances and material possessions. One of the hardest pills to swallow is realizing that the love we are shown, isn’t real, if its based on the superficial. If you really want to know who loves you, lose it all.

Our true worth isn’t found in anything that can be touched with hands or seen with the eyes. The true value of a person can only be felt by the heart and understood by the intellect. The reason some people run into one heart break after another is because they are looking for the wrong thing. We all want the…

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Learning to love myself

 

img_3731-5

I am currently on a quest. The quest involves learning to love myself. This follows on from yesterday’s post about ceasing endless striving for what we want and learning to love what we have to do. (Or learning to enjoy the ‘daily grind’ instead of always wishing for something else.)  As with many of us, there are events and experiences in my youth that have left some unwelcome and unhelpful side effects – like not liking myself much, not really loving myself (my core self) and this has lead to some of the issues I currently battle – a lack of confidence, low self esteem and a lack of belief in myself. The issues from my childhood caused me the develop thoughts and beliefs about myself which are (at the very least) unhelpful but also there are probably lies I have chosen to believe about myself from a young age which have eaten away at my self belief and self respect and caused a sense of disconnect with God, my family, friends and certainly with myself. There are issues around love that I just don’t get, and that has impacted my behaviours and led to some self sabotage… I would possibly go so far as to say self hate. And certainly contributed to my issues with depression.

I have been through some counselling in the past and found it really helpful. It has helped me work through some issues and experiences, but I’m currently aware that there’s more stuff that needs to be addressed.

It’s never an easy process (in my experience) and seldom enjoyable but I am convinced that the progress and awareness I gain about myself is really valuable. And if it results in more healthy self acceptance and self care then that’s successful & worth the process & pain involved in getting to that point.

Consequently you may have noticed a bunch of quotes about self love & self acceptance – and they are my reminder to me that I need to give myself positive messages and make sure I’m getting my daily dose of positive influence or reinforcement and positive self talk.

So the easy stuff to identify is the low self esteem and lack of confidence and belief in myself and my abilities. It’s the reasons underlying this that I am struggling to understand. I’ve always had a sense of not being good enough (regardless of what I did) and lately noticed a sense of ‘not fitting in, not feeling accepted’ and through the counselling process I’m trying to uncover what beliefs I’m holding on to, which I learnt at a young age, which need an adjustment. Like instead of reinforcing the idea that I’m not good enough, maybe I could be saying ‘I AM good enough’ – and perhaps I need to reinforce this message in meaningful way for me – “I am good enough and I am worthy of love. I was made with this personality and I love myself the way I am” – that sort of message.

OK, so that’s where I am right now – wanting to put it out there and share my ‘stuff’ in the hopes that by sharing: a) I will receive a little more clarity about my self beliefs, and maybe b) I can encourage someone else to take a positive step in beginning or continuing to address their own stuff.  (I hope for ‘a’ but ‘b’ would be an added bonus!)

I’ll share more as I learn more, but I find it helpful to be honest and up front about my issues in the hopes that as time goes by, I will receive more insight and therefore be able to work through some of this stuff so that it doesn’t limit me anymore than it already has. I feel optimistic about the process I’m going through and look forward to sharing my progress. I believe I’m on the right path for me at this point in time and I’m trying to honour the little girl I carry inside -and I’d like to see her be cherished, to see her become truly free, and to see her flourish.

Thought for the day: 21 December 2016

cease-striving

Cease striving. That’s what I’m attempting to do at present. I haven’t been writing so much lately but I have been taking photos most days and am enjoying playing with my photos, altering the colours & exposure and adding effects and filters etc. I’m loving this creative medium. I’ve also been avidly hunting for appropriate inspirational sayings and quotes and have spent some time creating my own versions of said quotes such as the one above and the ones that I’ve used in the past month or two. I’ve really enjoyed the photography and creating my own take on these quotes by adding my own photos as the background. Consequently, I haven’t been walking so much or writing so much and life’s been busy and it’s the week before Christmas – and I’m ok with that. I feel like I’m being creative and attempting to maintain my blog’s inspirational theme without spending much time writing. Why am I justifying this to you? Good question. The answer is a matter of time – that is, not having enough but trying to make good use of what I do have.

I’m also working through a few issues which I feel like I’m making progress on but not wanting to specify yet. I’m keen to write about what I’m learning but I’d rather wait until I’m a little further down the track and have a better handle on what it is I’m learning rather than just the issues at hand. Does that make sense?

However I still want to feel like I’m moving forward with my blog (which has been so much more of an encouragement to me than I ever dreamed), plus being creative and exploring my own ‘stuff’ while still allowing myself time to chill and relax a little over the Christmas break. Suffice to say, I hope you’ll enjoy my creative efforts – even if they are somewhat minimal for the time being.

And hopefully I’m also learning about not striving simply to do my own thing but learning to enjoy the things that need to be done.  And taking time just to be.

With gratitude,

R.H.

Feeling like an Outsider

I didn’t know how I’d react to feeling like an outsider until it happened. It hasn’t been at all the way I would have imagined it. I would have expected that if I had changed my place of work and career in my fifties that I would have felt like an outsider, perhaps, for a few days, maybe a few weeks at most. But by then I would have made a few friends, or at least some possible friend-types, and encountered lots of colleague/acquaintances with which I had polite and friendly chats while making coffee or rinsing my cup… That’s how it’s gone in years gone by.

I would never have expected it to go on and on for week after week after week, and for it to feel the way it sometimes does – isolating, sometimes even lonely. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not depressed or upset – just trying to take a semi-objective (or possibly totally subjective!) approach to a subject I now know a lot more about than I did a few years ago.

I spent several hours this morning thinking about the concept of being an outsider. I had wanted to get back to  my desk and type up a few quick notes while they were still fresh, that could form into the bones of a post but I had been busy involved in various tasks that didn’t give me that opportunity.

When I finally got back to my desk I was invited to join a group of 5 other staff taking a few minutes out of their busy days to play a quick impromptu game of scattergories while most of the team, in fact most of my colleagues on this floor were away from their desks at an event.

Given that I hadn’t played before, and that my head was in a particularly “Dory” type of space and capable of very little productive thought (“Just keep swimming”) – my answers were hardly creative or inspired – but I gave it a go. We played for no longer than ten to fifteen minutes, but we also laughed at out answers. This interaction resulted in my feeling a little less like a total outsider, the subject I had been about to write about!

I think there’s a lesson here for me. As I make observations about myself, my feelings and my world, I’m aware that both my feelings and observations are quite fluid and prone to change. It’s a good reminder to hold those feelings lightly, don’t give them too much attention, keep them in perspective, then see if they change and/or wander off, as feelings are want to do (a little like cats really!)

feelings

Thought for the day: 14 December 2016

What dreams or goals do I have that are yet to be realised?

What stops me getting to where I want to be? What’s holding me back? What am I carrying around with me that no longer fits with my goals? Are there memories, beliefs about myself, experiences of hurt and pain, situations and people I haven’t yet forgiven, thought patterns or patterns of behaviour or habits that sabotage my efforts to move forward?

What aspects of my life need to change? What do I need to get rid of? What habits or behaviours can I identify which are unhelpful? What can I address today, that will assist me in reaching me dreams tomorrow?

I see the goal, now what do I need to put in place to make sure that dream becomes a reality?

fly

 

Thought for the day: 13 December 2016

be-yourself

If you read nothing else today, read this: BELIEVE IN YOURSELF

You may not be perfect (none of us are!), you may not feel that your talents are big and worth shouting about from the rooftops. You may not be an A student, or the perfect employee, the best artist or pianist… You may not feel like The Best anything… but one thing you can be, and be exceptional at:

                      BE YOURSELF

– because nobody can be the YOU that you were created to be. Nobody can be the YOU that the world needs right now. Nobody in this world can be the perfect YOU… other than you!

today-dr-seuss

          Today is the day to believe in yourself.