Lost days

I lost most of Sunday and all of Monday due to a migraine. They were bright sunny days – so it’s even more annoying to feel like I wasted such great weather. The issue for me is not the pain, although that is a factor. What I find harder is the ‘not feeling quite right’ – a sense of discomfort or ill ease that I can’t put my finger on, almost like the breeze through an open window which comes and goes. Then following the actual migraine is the sense of feeling totally ‘wiped out’ or absolutely shattered – and to accompany this is a feeling of emotional fragility (which normally results in a period of tears). Sleep is my cure-all. The earlier I get rest away from bright light, noise, in fact away from everything and everyone, the better the outcome. It came on yesterday. This afternoon I felt physically better but emotionally wobbly. I cried for quite a while. And then it was over. I woke up again and knew I was feeling better both physically AND emotionally.

While I was going through the crying phase, the feelings were real and present, but after that phase had ended, I was aware that the feelings had gone – and I wondered if they were just illusions. Little concerns pretending to be important and valid but actually pretty small in reality, and with the benefit of hindsight.

And I was reminded of the quote about feelings being visitors – and allowing them to come and go. And I realised that I had – I had allowed them to come, given them some attention, and then allowed them to leave. And now I can view them with a little more perspective. And rather than beat myself up for letting the feelings get out of hand – I just feel pleased that they came, were acknowledged and left. No beating up required. I feel cleaner somehow, almost as if I’ve done a small emotional spring clean in a dusty corner in a back room of my psyche.

So I’m re-posting that quote because I’m grateful for it. It’s ok to feel the feelings and ok when they leave, and no self-flagellation is required. Just peace. And I’m grateful for that.