I didn’t know how I’d react to feeling like an outsider until it happened. It hasn’t been at all the way I would have imagined it. I would have expected that if I had changed my place of work and career in my fifties that I would have felt like an outsider, perhaps, for a few days, maybe a few weeks at most. But by then I would have made a few friends, or at least some possible friend-types, and encountered lots of colleague/acquaintances with which I had polite and friendly chats while making coffee or rinsing my cup… That’s how it’s gone in years gone by.
I would never have expected it to go on and on for week after week after week, and for it to feel the way it sometimes does – isolating, sometimes even lonely. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not depressed or upset – just trying to take a semi-objective (or possibly totally subjective!) approach to a subject I now know a lot more about than I did a few years ago.
I spent several hours this morning thinking about the concept of being an outsider. I had wanted to get back to my desk and type up a few quick notes while they were still fresh, that could form into the bones of a post but I had been busy involved in various tasks that didn’t give me that opportunity.
When I finally got back to my desk I was invited to join a group of 5 other staff taking a few minutes out of their busy days to play a quick impromptu game of scattergories while most of the team, in fact most of my colleagues on this floor were away from their desks at an event.
Given that I hadn’t played before, and that my head was in a particularly “Dory” type of space and capable of very little productive thought (“Just keep swimming”) – my answers were hardly creative or inspired – but I gave it a go. We played for no longer than ten to fifteen minutes, but we also laughed at out answers. This interaction resulted in my feeling a little less like a total outsider, the subject I had been about to write about!
I think there’s a lesson here for me. As I make observations about myself, my feelings and my world, I’m aware that both my feelings and observations are quite fluid and prone to change. It’s a good reminder to hold those feelings lightly, don’t give them too much attention, keep them in perspective, then see if they change and/or wander off, as feelings are want to do (a little like cats really!)
It’s always been hard for me to mix and be sociable. I’ve always been on the outside, but I prefer it that way!
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I had this lesson (letting go of emotion) early this week as well.I was typing an email to a coworker where I blurted out my frustration because I needed him to do things for me, else I don’t get my job done. I then started to realize I was being harsh on him, and that doesn’t solve any problem. I later apologize.
So yeah, we’re not saying to block the emotion, but at least contain it and not let it get a hold of you. Because, just like your story, something or someone might come along, and better times are just around the corner waiting for you to invite it. 😉
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Exactly! Thank you for sharing that. So many lessons to learn. 🙂
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Oh, your saying is great because it can applied to almost any aspect of daily living. THIS TOO SHALL PASS!
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I agree.
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