Introspection 1: Who Am I?

Someone told me that asking yourself the question “Who Am I?” can be useful tool to help clarify how we see ourselves – so I thought I’d give it a go and see where it leads.

I might as well start with the obvious things, like throwing a stone into a pool of water and watching the ripples – start with the smallest, closest ripples and work my way outwards:

I am a unique entity, a wife, a sister, an aunt, a friend, a colleague, a listener, a companion…

I am an introvert who appreciates my own space, and at times I need periods without other people around in order to unwind and recharge. I find doing something creative helps in the recharging process.

I am upfront (ie, what you see is what you get), someone who feels things, who enjoys painting and making quilts, listening to music, gardening, cooking, writing a blog, art history, watching films, drinking wine…

I take pleasure in nature, in the small things -the tiniest of plants, waves breaking on the shore, clouds, the colours of the sky and the way they blend from one colour into another, the skyline, trees in silhouette, the colours of the hills, the colours and shapes and composition of my garden, the multitude greens I see in nature…

I am a believer in a Force bigger than myself, who I believe created the universe and you and me – and wants to have a relationship with us as individuals, who cares who we are and how we are.

I believe in and value: kindness and compassion, love, empathy, graciousness, joy and peace. I see that we are all different in how we are made up – and I am aware of my own successes and failures; I see that I have achievements, and things still to be achieved; learning opportunities, and opportunities to give and receive; opportunities to be the best me that I can be; opportunities for solitude and reflection; for drinking in the joys of life, and sitting back and watching life go on around me; times for action and times for rest.

I am an explorer. I am proud of the courage I see in myself, that I haven’t always been aware of. I am growing, learning, evolving. I am not scared to face the hard stuff. I am not scared to be honest with myself. I am willing to take responsibility for my actions and behaviour. I believe that we control what we choose to think about and focus on. I believe in falling in love, but I think love is a choice rather than something we ‘trip and fall into’ which is beyond our control. I believe that now is the only time I really have. If I want to make changes in my life or want to take action, the time is now.

I like exploring the physical world around me and have explored many cities on my own. I love the challenge of having to be responsible for myself and my own well being in a foreign place. I’m not too scared to be brave – that is, my fear doesn’t limit my courage.

I am insecure and have a need for recognition. My self esteem is like clouds or the wind – hard for me to put my finger on, and constantly changing. Some days there are many clouds in the sky, some days there are few. Some days they are pale and wispy and barely identifiable, and others solid masses of colour, swirling and angry. Due to it’s state of continual change, I think of my self esteem as fickle and untrustworthy.

I accept that I’m on a journey and I see progress in terms of small steps. Decide on a new route and take steps in that direction, no matter how small. Keep walking. Stop for rest if you want but then get moving again. Life is a journey not a destination. I’d like to enjoy the journey where possible, to take in the views, to appreciate the beauty that surrounds me. And now and then it’s important to stop and look back and see how far I’ve come: the achievements and the failures; the good times and the bad; the sights and sounds, the colours and smells, the tastes, the touches, the textures; and to remember it all in glorious technicolor or in black and white or in sepia depending on my visibility at the time.

Stuff happens in life that can be outside of my control. In those times I go with it because I perceive that I have fewer choices. For the rest of life, I have options. I can make decisions and take charge or not. Others can provide guidance but the choices are mine. I can acquire tools that will assist me on my journey but at the end of the day, the action or inaction I take is mine and mine alone.

In my world, NOW is the new black. Carpe diem – seize the day!



4 thoughts on “Introspection 1: Who Am I?

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