My self esteem is fragile. Again. Still.
I’m aware of a lack of self confidence; a lack of belief in myself. I’m aware of the internal voice, the criticism, the negative self talk. This past week I have been particularly aware of this lack of confidence and a negative internal dialogue. More aware than I usually am. Why is that?
Sometimes it feels like I’m a child in an adult’s body. I’m surrounded by lots of other adults simply being adults, while I appear to be an adult but feel very much like a child.
OK, so my self esteem is low. I’m aware of it. It sort of feels like I’ve been carrying this with me these past few days.
Sometimes I wonder if this awareness and self-observation is a first world luxury that I probably wouldn’t have if I had lived in a different era, or had chosen a different path. If my life was more busy, more crazy, more packed full of activities, would I have less opportunity for self reflection? (Partly because I might end up too tired to think, and would therefore lack the energy for self reflection.)
Having spent several days thinking about my self esteem…. I now feel like I’m a bit over it. I’m tired of thinking about myself in a certain way and wonder if it’s time for a new focus and a new attitude. Time to think about something else, to pursue a new train of thought – and it can be anything I choose. Given that in certain parts of the world this is a time to be thankful for what you have, I might try focusing on being grateful and see where that leads…
Here’s to gratitude!! 🙂