Self esteem… and Gratitude

 

My self esteem is fragile. Again. Still.

I’m aware of a lack of self confidence; a lack of belief in myself. I’m aware of the internal voice, the criticism, the negative self talk.  This past week I have been particularly aware of this lack of confidence and a negative internal dialogue. More aware than I usually am. Why is that?

Sometimes it feels like I’m a child in an adult’s body. I’m surrounded by lots of other adults simply being adults, while I appear to be an adult but feel very much like a child.

OK, so my self esteem is low. I’m aware of it. It sort of feels like I’ve been carrying this with me these past few days.

Sometimes I wonder if this awareness and self-observation is a first world luxury that I probably wouldn’t have if I had lived in a different era, or had chosen a different path. If my life was more busy, more crazy, more packed full of activities, would I have less opportunity for self reflection? (Partly because I might end up too tired to think, and would therefore lack the energy for self reflection.)

Having spent several days thinking about my self esteem…. I now feel like I’m a bit over it. I’m tired of thinking about myself in  a certain way and wonder if it’s time for a new focus and a new attitude. Time to think about something else, to pursue a new train of thought – and it can be anything I choose.  Given that in certain parts of the world this is a time to be thankful for what you have, I might try focusing on being grateful and see where that leads…

Here’s to gratitude!!  🙂

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3 thoughts on “Self esteem… and Gratitude

  1. Again. I have identification with you. I suffered from low self esteem for years. I am finally beginning to be comfortable in my own skin and my confidence level is rising daily. I’ve felt like I’ve been living in a bubble for the last few decades. I also feel like a child trapped in a adult body. My past kept me frozen in time and I am finally breaking free from my cocoon. Thank you for sharing this. I can relate.

    Liked by 1 person

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