family

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I took this photo a few days ago as the ducks were resting on a neighbour’s front lawn. As I’ve shared in previous posts, it’s very much spring here in Wellington – the days are often cool in the early mornings but sometimes the afternoons are  pure summer. The days are getting longer and the gardens are alive with growth. The number of birds seems to have increased and they are noisy and playful. Instead of a hint of green on the trees which only a few months ago were bare and brown, they are now awash with differing shades of greens. The colours are richer and have more depth, the blue of the sky is a brighter blue and the greens are more varied and vivid.

When I look at the picture above I see “FAMILY”. It warms my heart – and the feeling that goes with that is one of protection, safety & security; acceptance, contentment and nurture (in addition to cute, soft and fluffy!)

When I think about my own sense of “FAMILY” it’s one of those words I’m never  quite sure how to approach. I’m fairly confident that I have issues around family: trust, judgement, and possibly a misplaced sense of disappointment ie, I feel that potentially I am a disappointment because I’m not the role model I was expected to be – or something along those lines.  However I also accept that that’s my stuff, not anybody else’s, and one day I might choose to delve further into some of that.

What if I’m not the disappointment I think I am? What if my assumption is just that? What if it is misplaced and therefore totally not how I’m perceived? If perception is reality (and to me, it is) then maybe I need to alter my perception. Maybe I choose to let that sense of disappointment go. Maybe it ties in with the sense of failure I referred to a few weeks ago. Maybe it relates to a core belief, and maybe that belief is unfounded and therefore untrue. Can I change who I am simply by choosing to NOT see myself as a disappointment and failure?

So, some of this is about how I see myself, and some of it relates to my feelings around the word ‘family’. What if I choose only to focus on the positive aspects of family I’ve described above: protection, safety, security, acceptance, contentment and nurture.  What if I try to apply the same words (protection, acceptance etc) to how I view myself?

What if I carry a (psychological) plaque that says  “I am Lovable and Capable.” And I add to the plaque  “I am also safe, I am protected; I am Accepted, Nurtured and Content.”

Can I change my world by changing my view of myself? Can I change my world by attempting to nurture, accept and protect myself more? I have no idea but I’m going to try it today and see what happens…

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